STS is in a funk. Like a pissy, don't want to do anything, uber cranky, hypersensitive, annoying, no good very bad day mucky funk. This weekend I was content to just stay at home. I didn't do much even with the gorgeous weather we just had.
Of course I started thinking of George Clinton's We Got the Funk (Ow), then other songs to try to get myself out of the muck and a little more elevated but that didn't work. So I put some tunes on while working (headset of course) as I was taking a deeper dive into some spend analysis. I discovered Jango and Sara Bareilles' King of Anything came on. I'm thinking "yea, ya know who the hell made le folks at Le Freak (esp. Mike) king of anything."
I mean c'mon arbitration over a small chunk of change? When I found out that FFC had agreed to arbitration through the Better Business Bureau I thought: "God I'm going to be eaten up alive."
Trying to remove thoughts of Le Freak, Jango then moved to Adele, and not "Rolling in the Deep" Adele, but more depressing in "Right as Rain:"
Who wants to be riding high when you'll just crumble back on down.
You give up everything you are and even then you don't get far.
They make believe that everything is exactly what it seems.
But at least when you're at your worst, you'll know how to feel things.
Oh yeah bring on the violins.
Then I was thinking about my diet - I have been eating way too much. I'm an emotional eater and have been so since age 6. You can totally see the yo-yo weight I put on throughout the course of my life but I know when it all started. And most recently, I had put 20 pounds back on my slender frame...
So of course I sing to myself: "I eat too much...(I think WAY TOO MUCH)...TOO MUCH!"
OK here's the deal about me being upset about the 20 pound weight gain It's not just about the trauma with Le Freak. It's that I know when I get to this weight that I just don't FEEL WELL. I mean I can feel it sitting on my bones. I have a relatively small frame. If I didn't have 6 extra inches of leg I would probably be closer to 5ft2 in height. I am all stomach, short torso, and I have really tiny hands and feet. I am a 5 ft 6" tall woman with size 6 1/2 shoes. I can wear kids shoes (in fact I do sometimes), buy kid-sized winter gloves at REI because they fit better, hats and sunglasses tend to be huge on me. So I'm JUST NOT COMFORTABLE at this weight - I'm not supposed to have it on me and so I beat myself up senselessly. On top of being a perfectionist, having moral standards with the expectation that people will respect me, I'm really hard on myself.
So I did a vision board in January. I thought if I could observe and describe some of the things that were going on in my life and add things that I wanted in it I would create a balanced life for myself. And for the most part - the items I have put on there have manifested - it's kinda surreal:
But there was always one picture I placed that seemed disturbing to me (click on the image above and you can see it even more) - the one of Idina Menzel playing Maureen Johnson from RENT (the movie version). You know the part when she puts on the show and sings about Elsie the cow, "Only thing to do is jump over the moon..."
Yea, yea, that's how STS's brain works. Guess what I've been associating that with - maybe Le Freak? Yea. And I need to stop taking other people's crap onto myself - the empath part of me that I'm so reluctant to share. UGH.
Gotta remove that image from the vision board - when it's time to, whenever that's meant to be.
OK - gotta keep moving 'cuz "that's bull" and take that "leap of faith". I'll stop eating too much and I need to just accept things and know that things happen when we least expect it.
I think it was Ralph Marston that said
"Welcome those big, sticky, complicated problems. In them are your most powerful opportunities."
So WELCOME TO MY FUNK. with music. Emotions come and go like waves; wish I had a surfboard. Or maybe I'll head to the gym and go swimming.
Regardless:
I'll keep moving.
28 Jun, 2011
--
Source: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/swim-tri-sail-chicago/2011/06/in-a-funk.html
~
Manage subscription | Powered by rssforward.com
Sharing is Sexy !
About the Author
0 komentar: