It must be July.
Each year around this time, against our better judgment, we tune in to see ridiculous exhibitionists sequestered and plotting strategies in a CBS “house”.
Are we proud of the fact that we watch this? Can you take enabler Julie Chen seriously on The Early Show given her role in this nonsense? No and no.
Do we keep coming back, three times every freaking week. Oh yes? Come along as THG recaps the season premiere of CBS' guilty pleasure, +/- style!
The best/worst thing about Big Brother is that the network makes up rules, and anything goes. This season it took them a whole 90 seconds. Plus 5.
The new cast arrives ... only there are a mere eight of them. Something's up. Let's break down our first impressions of these eight nut jobs first:
Dominic: An adrenaline junkie and admitted virgin who still lives at home. That seems like a contradiction in terms, but he seems nice. Plus 6.
Adam: Metal head. WWE look. Loves appletinis and (old school) 90210. The scream was annoying, but grew on us a bit, so Minus only 3.
Kalia: A blogger who compares herself to Carrie from Sex and the City. Girl please. Carrie B. would never use the term "bestie". Minus 5.
Porsche: VIP Cocktail Waitress from Florida with a name befitting of such a job, and with an IQ that's definitely not in the triple digits. Minus 7.
Lawon: A colorful fellow in terms of both wardrobe and personality. He declared that everyone loves Lawon. The jury is still out there. Wash.
Keith: A minister for whom biblical references and sexual innuendo are closely tied. Is it funny? Is it creepy? It's hard to say. Wash again.
Cassi: A gorgeous model with a southern accent who looks like a dead ringer for Olivia Wilde and calls herself a proud tomboy. Plus 10.
Shelly: Mom, outdoor apparel company VP, instant BFF of Cassi. Plus 5.
As usual, a bunch of off-the-wall, thoroughly absurd cast choices. Bravo, CBS. Where do they find these people! Are they even real people? Plus 9.
Big Brother 13’s team twist allowed the eight newbies to choose partners, rather than be paired up according to the producers as in BB9.
Cassi and Shelly, Adam and Dominic, Keith and Porsche, and Lawon and Kalia join forces. Some are happier about this than others. Plus 4.
The bigger twist is that when a team wins HoH, one team must go on the block, with the surviving member winning immunity until the Top 10.
Was “The Golden Key” concept put in place because the surviving person will have no one to be nominated with anyway? Confusing. Minus 8.
Too many rules, too little drama. We know it's the premiere, but Minus 11.
And now the biggest twist of all. Returning stars will comprise the other six spots in the house! Lame, in a sense, but they did bring back three good teams, and the newcomers' reactions were priceless. Plus 4.
Brendon and Rachel walk in the door. Plus 15 because as much as we all despise Rachel’s laugh, you know they were the first couple you wanted to see back. For better or worse ... stuff just happens involving Brenchel!
Jeff and Jordan are still the adorable couple they were two summers ago. Surprisingly normal, too. Almost too much so for the house. Plus 6.
Dick and Danielle were an obvious, controversial choice. You either love Dick or hate him. Danielle? Total wild card. It'll be interesting. Wash.
Minus 12 for the new houseguests getting absolutely thrashed in the first HoH competition. Come on. Not even making the top three?
Plus 4 for Dick and Danielle recognizing their outsider status and aligning themselves with Brenchel. In this case it will serve them well.
EPISODE TOTAL: +17!
steve@thehollywoodgossip.com (Free Britney) 08 Jul, 2011--
Source: http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2011/07/big-brother-13-premiere-recap-guess-whos-back/
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